Of No Envy
by Amulet Misty
Summary: Everything about Beat today was a little too much. [TSoS 2019: Hexa-Code Kernel]


**03/07 10:00AM**

_\- yo, Phones! you free today? lets hang out!_

_\- Sorry, I can't today, I'm kind of busy._

_\- thats cool_

**03/09 ****10:20AM**

_\- man, the weathers sick today! cmon Ill go teach you that move I was talking about_

_\- Can't do today either, Beat. Family stuff._

_\- No probs man_

**03/10 ****09:00AM**

_\- so Doi is doing a special lunch menu today wanna go?_

_\- I've already got lunch plans, sorry_

_\- issokay man_

_\- How about later? We can hang in the park after I'm done with lunch?_

_\- yeah! aight Ill see you later._

* * *

**Of No Envy**

Neku wasn't _great _at skateboarding but he didn't think that he was terrible. At the very least, after two years of being taught by Beat, he thought he would end up being decent. The unconcealed impish grins of a group of middle-school kids told him otherwise, though. _Yeah, yeah laugh it up. _

On the other hand, Beat was practising a few tricks that made the kids forget all about him. One of them even clapped. Yeah, Neku wasn't going to manage to do _that. _He couldn't even remember what it was called.

He resigned to heading towards their resting spot at the top of the skating bowl, leaning against one of the slim trees. Neku wiped the sweat off his neck using his wristband. He always exerted a lot of energy skating with Beat. With him, no matter how idle Neku might have wanted to be, Beat simply dragged him along. Not that he minded, of course.

"Phones, did you _see _that?" Beat skated up to him, hopping off his board and landing perfectly on the spot next to Neku, catching his board with one hand. For someone so brash, it was almost comical how smooth he was with his skateboard. "Been trying to land that nollie laser for a month!" So that's what it was called. "Gotta see if I can do it again!"

"I'm sure you will."

Beat settled down beside him, crossed leg. "Put 'em here!" He held up a fist, awaiting eagerly.

"Haha, good job." Neku returned the gesture, noting how Beat seemed pretty satisfied with himself today. "So, what? Was that what you wanted to show me all week?"

"Nah, didntcha hear me? That's the first time I've done it." He nudged Neku with his shoulder. "Had a feelin' I wouldn't get it 'till I had you around."

"Oh please, you would have got it eventually. Don't think I know anyone more stubborn than you."

"Thanks, Phones!"

Neku wanted to tell Beat that it wasn't usually meant to be a compliment…but he supposed that in this case, it was. He grabbed his water bottle, poking Beat in the cheek with it. "Want some?"

"Bwaaaah! Phones, that's cold!" Though he said that, Beat took the drink, gulping it down.

"Beat. What's wrong?"

This caused Beat to spit out about half his drink. "Huh? What d'ya mean? There ain't anythin' wrong?"

"Judging how you spit out enough water to keep all the trees in Miyashita Park hydrated, I'd argue otherwise."

His friend opened his mouth, then closed it again. A few times.

"Beat. What's wrong?" He repeated, a bit more sternly this time.

"…Yeah, yeah okay, you've got me." Beat sighed deeply and leaned back against the tree. "How'd you know?"

"You've been bugging me to meet up for the past two weeks," Neku said, drily. "Pretty sure I told you after the last ramen session that I was going to be busy, but there's been a message from you, what…every morning?"

It wasn't just that. Everything about Beat today was a little _too much. _Yes, Beat was always one to spend the whole day boarding but right now? In the middle of March? Neku had warmed up from the exercise but even after sitting here for a few minutes, the cool spring air was starting to seep into his skin. Beat hated the cold, too. Neku would know, Beat never failed to complain about it.

There was something about the look in his eyes, too. There, even as they were talking. Even as Beat was looking right at him.

"…Is it because Rhyme's leaving?"

Beat stiffened as the words left Neku's mouth.

_I knew it._

Neku already knew that Rhyme was leaving, she and Beat had told all of them. She was off to a specialist high school overseas. When Rhyme said that she had a dream to chase, she really meant it. Of course, it would hit Beat hard. They all knew how much she meant to him.

"Hey, I'm going to miss her too, you know," he offered, quietly.

His friend stayed quiet. He lowered his eyes, then looked away.

"That's ain't it, Phones."

"It's…not?"

"Not all of it. It is and it ain't."

Well, that had Neku stumped.

"You're going to have to help me out, here a little Beat. You wanted to tell me what it was, didn't you?"

"…Ya know how you said I was 'buggin' you' for a while?" Beat finally said.

"Beat, you're not actually bothering me," Neku tried to clarify. "It's just a figure of speech –"

"I got that one," Beat interrupted. "At the start, I was jus' wantin' to hang out. I didn't want to ask Rhyme 'cause she's busy with gettin' ready to leave. But you've been busy too. An' Shiki." He paused. "…I even asked Priss." Neku raised an eyebrow, and Beat returned a look that said, 'I know'. "Anyway, everyone was doin' somethin'."

"Beat…"

"So I just kept askin' you. But you've got other friends now, right? You were havin' lunch with them today, right?"

"I guess I do," Neku said. "Beat, yeah sure I was having lunch today with other friends, but it's not like you're any less of a friend to me. Heck, I'm pretty sure you guys were the ones who were telling me to make more friends."

"Yeah, an' you did. I'm not sayin' you shouldn't have. It's a good thing. I know that," Beat said. "I know you worked pretty hard to make friends."

Hearing that made Neku felt slightly embarrassed.

Beat could probably tell. "You _did. _An' I'm glad you did. I know you didn't wanna have any friends…back when…back when we were in the Game." Beat whispered 'the game', something that they all tended to do. "The point is you changed. An' you kept changin' after the Game. _All _of you did."

He said the last sentence, with such a bitter sting that Neku was taken aback. "You don't like that we've changed?"

"I don't like that _I _haven't changed." There was a softer, "not one bit."

Neku hadn't seen Beat like this…not since the Game. It seemed that Beat needed a moment to compose himself.

He wasn't speaking, so all Neku could hear was the sound of those kids skateboarding, laughing with and at each other as they continued showing off tricks to each other. It was jarring, how downcast the atmosphere around Beat was in comparison. It was almost like Beat didn't belong in this picture.

_Or maybe it's like that because that's how he feels. _

"Rhyme's still chasing her dream," said Beat, speaking suddenly again. "An' she's leavin' because of it. I'm happy for her an' all that but we used to hang out all the time. But she's too busy now, so yeah I thought I'd leave her alone for a bit. But besides you guys, what do I have? Nothin' but this skateboard. The rest of you have tried to change, but I didn't. After the Game, I thought that was enough. Rhyme was back so that was enough. But I'm still a good for nothin' loser who doesn't matter and who has nothin' that matters to me."

Neku wanted to argue because it's not like Beat didn't have other friends. Except thinking back on it, he never mentioned having any. Not having friends was kind of Neku's _thing. _Perhaps he made such a big deal of it that Beat never wanted to because Neku couldn't recall Beat ever mentioning having other friends either.

_Come to think of it…_Hadn't Beat always gone a bit quieter whenever Shiki mentioned she was working on a new project? Whenever Neku said Hanekoma was going to help iron out a few things about his new track? Whenever Rhyme went on and on about her new school?

…When had Beat talked about himself?

He knew the answer: not much. Not since the game.

Not until now.

"You're not a loser, Beat."

"I knew you'd say that," was the immediate response. "Doesn't make it true."

He never thought he'd be the one left speechless with Beat. Neku didn't know _what _to say. He was never good at this. Maybe Shiki or Rhyme could have dealt with this better. Maybe even Josh – no, not Joshua, he would just say something that would make things worse.

Neku hated this, he hated seeing Beat like this.

He just…he just never assumed Beat would be anything but okay. They all had their nightmares about the Game but that was something they shared and talked about. There was nothing to indicate that there were things weren't going well _after_ that.

And he couldn't outright say that Beat had definitely changed because he hadn't. Not in any way that he could tell.

…_but so what?_

"So what if you haven't changed? So, you haven't made any new friends? Or you don't have a dream? You don't need to have them, it doesn't make us any better than you."

"Phones?"

"Yeah, fine. You're still the same Beat who did everything to save your sister and who wasn't afraid to ask _me _for help," he continued, words falling out before he could catch them. "You're the same guy back then, who wanted to make friends with _me _of all people. Then, I'm sorry, but that's perfectly _fine _with me. Who says you need to change anyway? _Screw that. _If you want to find a dream or whatever crap, fine. We'll help you, but you don't need to change to do it. Another thing,you don't need a whole bunch of other people as friends because you matter to _me._"

Beat blinked at Neku.

"…Man, I didn't think you were goin' to get…_angry _with me."

"I'm not – "

_Oh. _

Uh, maybe he had been shouting.

Yep, those kids were giving him strange looks.

"The bottom line _is,_" he tried to say with a bit more calm. "You're one of my best friends, and always will be whether you change or not. Or whether you have a dream or not. If you're really having a bad day or something you just need to tell me. And not with just some 'let's hang out' texts that you drop after one reply."

The person Neku was two years ago, before he met his friends, was a thorny person of no envy. Beat, however, had always had a heart of gold. Neku just wished that Beat could see that too.

"…I guess you're right," Beat said, though Neku was unsure if he was entirely convinced. "An' I think maybe I was feelin' a bit left out."

"Yeah…but seriously, if you just want to cry or whatever, I'll drop my plans."

Beat shook his head. "…That would be pretty mean to your other friends."

"I'm serious." Dead serious.

"An' why would I text you, to say 'I'm cryin', that's weird, dude."

"You're crying right now," Neku pointed out.

"Huh."

He guessed Beat, didn't realise, but there were definitely a bunch of tears just rolling down his eyes right now. Beat was always a crier; another thing that Neku was glad didn't change.

At this point, the kids were definitely staring.

"Alright, let's go Beat. The special might not still be on, but I bet you could do with some ramen right now."

Getting up, he gathered his skateboard and helmet, helping Beat to do the same. They got more stares as they left the skate park, but Neku ignored them.

"Phones?"

They only just made it out of the entrance, and Neku turned to see that Beat was wiping his face his hand. "Thanks for that, man."

"Yeah, no worries. Just…just don't keep these kinda things in, okay?" Neku tugged at his hair, a habit that hadn't changed for _him _after the Game. "I don't know if whatever crap I just said was good advice or not, but that's just what I think. If that's good enough for you, then you know, you can talk to me."

"Okay," he grinned, looking a lot better already, even though his eyes were still puffy. "Yeah, I haven't talked about that before so I guess I needed to let it all out."

Neku nodded. "And I'm here, whenever you need to."

"If you've got anythin' to get off your chest, you can tell me too," Beat declared.

He swung an arm around Neku's shoulder, to which Neku would usually tell him to do a bit less zealously but he would let it slide this time. "Aight, now let's get some of that ramen you were talkin' about."

"Heh, of course."

He was glad that even if Beat wasn't completely better, he had cheered up a little. The idea of ramen probably helped too.

"Thanks again, Neku."

"Anytime."

…_Wait, did he just call me – _

"Man, I'm starved now, Phones. I'll race ya there!"

Beat took off before Neku could say anything else. He stood there for a bit, wondering if his ears were working right.

"Hey, what're you doin'? This is a race! Pick it up, Phones!"

Shaking his head, he sighed, even as a smile came to his face.

"I'm there!"

* * *

**A/N: Tadaa! Wow, I haven't posted anything since…June 2017? Not to say I haven't been writing, but most things I posted on Ao3 because the fandoms I wrote for were there…Ew, that makes me feel totally disloyal now. Okay nope, that's it, I'm giving my fics back to ffnet first, always. That said, happy start of ****TSoS 2019: Hexa-Code Kernel. If you didn't already know, the Twelve Shots of Summer, is exactly that – twelve one-shots all through summer! **

**And of course, I thought I'd get my gears going into the mood by starting off with one of my still most beloved and favourite things to write about: TWEWY!**

**I wanted to write something a bit more Beat-centric, though for writing Beat I usually need a bit more of a warm-up before writing in his voice so…this happened. The prompt was '****Open()****' and as you probably can tell I used it in an 'opening up' sense. Not to be confused with 'open up your senses' ;D *bdm tsss* **

**My twewy writing is a bit rusty but I hope I did okay with my fave boy Beat. Always thought that things might not always go well for him, even after the Game so yep. And I would think Neku tried to make some friends from class after the TWEWY game, though of course the Hachiko Gang are still his best friends.**

**Anyway, I hope this gave you some good twewy feels. Thanks for reading!**

**\- Dina 09/06/2019**


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